Divorce is hard on everyone. Even the divorces that seem to go smoothly still leave emotional scars on the couple and especially the children. Such emotional trauma happens when parents remarry. Suddenly, the children's loyalties and feelings of love are split between both sets of parents. Divorce and remarriage are difficult on everyone, especially children, and parents should do what they can to avoid causing any more challenges for their children.
When parents remarry, children are caught in a double bind. A double bind is when whatever a child does will irritate one of his/her parents. In remarriage, if children begin to feel fond of or positively towards their stepparent, the other parent will feel cheated and angry. For example, if children begin to feel fondly of their stepmother, their mother might become angry and begin to chastize her children. If those same children foster feelings of resentment towards their stepmother, their father will get angry and scold them for not loving her. In both cases, children are left confused and torn.
Parents should do what they can to prevent divorce and, if already divorced, not cause their children any more confusion and stress by splitting their loyalties. Parents can act civil towards one another in front of their children. Parents should not triangle in, or argue with one another through their children. If parents do not allow their children to love them and their stepparents equally, or to simply show fondness towards stepparents, children will suffer more than the parents.
Remarried families are difficult to manage. Coping with divorce and the idea of their parents never getting back together is difficult enough for kids to bear. Parents can do much to help ease the burden of living in a remarried family for their children.
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