What is same sex attraction really?

     We hear in the media so much nowadays from gay and lesbian activists and others that homosexuality is a trait people are born with and cannot change.  If that was the case, it would obviously make a lot of people upset that others would not want to legalize same sex marriage; after all, it would only be fair and make gays and lesbians feel good about themselves.  Same sex attraction is not what it appears to be, however.  Same sex attraction is based on psychological errors, people were not born with it.
     How would people's attitudes change by discovering that same sex attraction was not biological like many said it was?
     In 1998, the APA released a statement saying that same sex attraction was something people were born with.  However, over the past several years, researchers have discovered that same sex attraction is rooted in psychological errors and not in a person's biological nature.  In 2008, the APA released another statement saying that researchers cannot come to an agreement about the specific origins of same sex attraction, and that both nature and nurture had a role to play in same sex attraction.
     In studies and throughout experience, many therapists and researchers have come to discover that same sex attraction has more to do with a person longing for a sense of emotional intimacy with a member of the same sex rather than any sexual desire in itself.  For the sake of this blog, I'll use references to homosexual boys.  In many cases, boys who later identify themselves as gay tended to enjoy more nurturing, creative, feminine activities than other boys at a young age.  Rather than playing sports, these boys liked to play things such as dress up.  As a result, those boys were rejected by their male counterparts and spend time with girls at the age when boys and girls begin to play with others of their own gender.  Suddenly, at the ages 11-13, when boys begin to notice girls in a different, more sexual way, these boys who later identify as gay have already had girl friends, so girls are not mysterious or interesting to them.  Rather, they are still stuck longing to just "fit in" with the guys.  They want to be accepted by the guys, and later confuse these psychological needs with feelings of sexuality.
     Those who identify themselves as "gay" later in life have a lot of past experiences in common.  75% of "gay" boys were the victims of sexual abuse as kids.  Many say that these experiences confused them and that it wasn't what they wanted, but they liked feeling accepted by another guy as well as the feeling of being cared for that came with it.  Interestingly enough, a boy tends to identify himself as "gay" on average within 5 months of their first sexual experience. 
     Many "gay" boys lacked feelings of affection and being loved because over 90% of "gay" men had problems with their father and were too close to their mothers.  Their fathers showed little affection, were disappointed in their sons, and sometimes even had problems with alcohol and other things.  The mothers would protect the sons from the father, would complain to the son about the father, and would share thoughts that were too intimate to share between a mother and son.
      Societal labels are also detrimental to "gay" men.  For example, when a young girl participates in sports and more masculine activities, society calls her a "tomboy".  Tomboys are accepted in society, and some men even think tomboys are cool.  However, if a boy finds more enjoyment in more feminine activities, society immediately throws the label of "gay" on him.  Combating the label society puts on these boys can be confusing and difficult to overcome, especially when a young boy is trying to discover his identity.
     Finally, homosexuals also tend to have higher rates of alcohol and substance abuse, suicidal tendencies, and depression.  However, some argue that legalizing same sex marriage will cause these rates to decrease. It is interesting to note, however, that even in Denmark, where same sex marriage has already been legalized, rates of substance abuse, depression, and suicidal tendencies have not decreased.
     In the midst of all the confusion, boys mistake their need for emotional connections with friends of the same gender with feelings of sexuality.
   Many men who identify as "gay" actually want to change.  Most "gay" men that come in to receive homosexual counseling are actually happy to learn about this research and that it is possible for them to be straight.  Many are excited by the idea of being able to be a husband and a father in a traditional family.  For many, once they come to this realization and begin to develop healthy relationships with members of the same sex, which fulfills the need for emotional intimacy with same sex friends, their same sex attraction begins to go away. 
     That is why the laws passed in California and New Jersey to outlaw homosexual reorientation therapy are so detrimental.  First of all, these laws are an infringement on the basic human right these people have that want to receive such counseling.  Second, these laws are very one sided, saying that if a homosexual wants to be more gay, that's just fine, but if they want to go straight, it's illegal to get counseling.  Politicians and lobbyists do not look at the facts and do not care about the needs and wants of the few who want to get help.  Rather, they are too focused on their own agenda and political gain.
   Overall, the origin of same sex attraction is completely different from what people tend to believe.  Same sex attraction is not something people are born with.  Same sex attraction stems from people not having their needs of "fitting in" to the group of their same sex peers met, and many want to change.